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| Saturday, April 9th, 2005 | | 12:42 pm |
| | Thursday, January 20th, 2005 | | 7:37 pm |
| | Thursday, November 25th, 2004 | | 5:34 pm |
| | Sunday, November 21st, 2004 | | 6:40 pm |
i'm begginning to learn whats real and how to feel like i did yesterday i don't know whats wrong or why it takes so long to say what i have to say but today (always on my mind) but today (always on my mind) i'm gonna have it my way i'm gonna have it my way why are my suspecions always right? too crazy inside to space between love and hate and when the crowd gets all out of hand making crazy demands just hold me baby wait but today (always on my mind) but today (always on my mind) i'm gonna have it my way i'm gonna have it my way but today (always on my mind) but today (always on my mind) i'm gonna have it my way i'm gonna have it my way my way today Current Mood:  pensiveCurrent Music: Underneath | | Tuesday, July 27th, 2004 | | 10:46 am |
sometimes i wonder why i am even here... Current Mood:  depressed | | Thursday, July 8th, 2004 | | 1:47 pm |
| | Thursday, June 24th, 2004 | | 10:13 am |
Why do people stay together, when all they do is fight? | | Monday, May 31st, 2004 | | 9:37 pm |
Attention STACEY!
Hey everyone in Prior Incantato are confused. Bee says that you told her that you didn't want to pick your characters back up when you returned. And then Shaddi saw you reply to a couple posts with Blaise. So the question is. Do you want to quit or no? Because if you do then they will try to find someone to replace you. ps. You suck ass for quitting. Just so you know. LMAO | | Wednesday, May 26th, 2004 | | 11:58 pm |
| | Friday, April 23rd, 2004 | | 5:54 pm |
the pain is all thats real...
sometimes i watch movies, shows, or read books that are sad. just to cry. because lately its seemed so hard to cry. and its like i want to cry. i need to cry. maybe if i cry enough, i can get it all out. and if i get it all out, i can forget. it won't hurt anymore. of course the physical pain is gone... but the emotional pain won't go away. sometimes it gets so bad that it turns back to physical pain, and it lingers in a hurt that won't fade. i cry til it hurts, and then i cry because it hurts. i ask myself so many times, why did you do this to me? but i'm not sure that you even know... or care for that matter. i wish for one moment, one second, you could feel a small amount of the pain that i feel every day. somedays are better than others, but the nights are all the same. seems like it takes forever to just fall asleep. and when i finally do sleep, its the same dreams. the memories of what you did to me over the years. even in my sleep i can't forget. and i don't know if i hate you or how i feel. i can't even begin to describe my feelings. all i know is no matter how much i cry, or how angry i get, nothing changes. i'm still broken inside. i'm still incomplete, and weaker than you. do you have any idea how hard it is? i have everyone fooled. they all see me as some carefree, silly, fun spirited girl. they have no idea what you've done to me. they have no idea how hard it is to wake up every day only to know that when i go back to sleep i'll have to see your haunting face again. my parents, my siblings, my friends... no one knows. thoughts of death still run through my mind at times. but i can't let you win. i won't let you win.
one day... you'll get whats coming to you.
one day you'll suffer... just like i do... everyday.
and i hope it hurts like hell.
i hope you feel it throughout your body.
and then some more...
Current Mood:  crushedCurrent Music: broken angel | | Tuesday, April 13th, 2004 | | 12:32 am |
From ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shaddi2003: I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything. | | Monday, April 12th, 2004 | | 11:32 pm |
Seems lately things have been odd. I'm not sure if its just me or what... I am one of seven children. Well atleast I am now. For 14 years it was just me and my older brother Frankie. Then my parents split up and my mom remarried and now its me and Frankie and 5 more... I won't lie. Frankie and I have never been close. I have no desire to ever be close to him. I have my own reasons for that, in which I won't go into. Only a very select few know and understand my reasoning, and I don't feel that it should go beyond them. Because they are the ones I am closest to and its extremely hard for me to be close to someone. Which is probably why I've never had a lasting relationship as far as guys go. I can be a friend. I can flirt with the best of them. But I just can't do a relationship. Not now. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be able to. Why am I even thinking of this right now? I really don't even want a relationship right now. I'm content with hanging out with my friends and flirting with a couple guys here and there. But other than that I just don't think I am ready for anything else. Maybe this was brought on because I went on a date last night. It wasn't as if it were a horrible date. It wasn't at all. It was nice. But the guy wanted more. He wanted the beginnings of a relationship. Suddenly flags went up and sirens sounded and I was like WHOA! How bout no? Go figure... a female who can't commit. Isn't that a different change of pace? If this isn't making any sense at all... then I'm sorry, but I have to get out whats going on in my mind and this is how I am going to do it. You're not forced to read, I promise I won't care. ;-) So yeah... I have 5 new brothers and sisters. Well not so new anymore. Its been almost six years since mom married my step dad. She went into a weird family. I mean. Weird to me anyway. I come from a poor family, who has a sick and twisted sense of humor. We joke around to get through the hard times. Laughter seems to be our healing power. Which could explain why I am always so out there, and why I like to make people laugh. But mom married into this family of a bunch of religious freaks! I mean WHOA. Jim (my step dad), his oldest son is a preacher. His oldest daughter is married to a preacher. His 2nd oldest son is is in the ministry, his other daughter is so into the church its sort of sickening. His youngest son is into the church too, but hes going through that whole teen angst thing. He PMS's more than I do. It was hard for me, a non religious person, to be thrown into this enviorment. Of course they've all rubbed off on me, I believe in God now. And for a while there my faith helped me get through an extremely hard time. But now, the simplisity of faith, is simply not enough for me. And for those of you who are religious, please. Spare me the whole get right with God crap. Believe me, I hear enough of it living in this house. People need to understand. Christianity is not a religion. Its a relationship. And my relationship with God may not be picture perfect to everyone else, but its just fine with me. No one should expect anything of me in that department. I am who I am and I won't change for anyone. I've changed enough just to fit in, in this completely disfunctional family, that I've lost track of who I really am. And I'm not sure I've fully recovered who that person is, because I'm not the same person I was when my mom married Jim. I'm not that terrified little girl anymore. I hold my head high with a new knowledge of myself and my abilities and surroundings. I have my own opinions and beliefs, not only in God but in myself. And though I may not be able to sit down and explain exactly who it is that I am, I can understand it for the most part. And I shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone, because who I am doesn't involve anyone, but me. And its good to know that. My younger sister (step sister, whatever you want to call her. Shes still family) Katelin, shes just turned 19, and shes getting married in November. I for one cannot fathom why anyone would want to be married that young. HELLO we are not in the 1920's anymore. Your goal in life is not to be married and have babies. Katelin is one of those people who want to wait til shes married to have sex. And I have nothing against that, I truly don't. But at the same time shes such a hypocrite! Its okay for her to do foreplay and get eachother off, but just as long as its not vaginal sex. WTF?! Sex is sex. Weather you put it in your hand, mouth or vagina. Its sexual pleasure none the less. You can make yourself believe whatever it is that you want to believe. But if your definition of sex is getting it in the pussy (forgive my boldness) then you have issues, and need a serious reality check. I asked her about her getting married so young the other day, her response just blew me away. "We don't want to wait five years for him to get out of college just to have sex." OH MY GOD! If that is why you are getting married just fuck already! Who cares what God thinks?! You've already fooled around and did the foreplay, why not just have sex?! God is a forgiving God, and so many times people forget this. God loves you no matter what! If you're a virgin or not. If you lead the best life you can or not. God still loves us. If he wanted us perfect, he would have made us that way. Its our imprefections that he loves so much. Our imperfections are what makes us who we are, why try and fight it? Getting married just to have sex is SOOOOOO unbelievably wrong. And then THEN!!!! She was like, no thats not the only reason, we love eachother a lot. I mean no matter what she said after that statement, it literally went in one ear and out the other. I could not believe that she said that. It just boggles my mind that sex would be a reason to get married. Even if its not the main reason, its still a reason, and its insane. I can't even go on this subject anymore, it urks me. So... I'm trying my best to work and save money to move out and go back to school. Well once I get a nice amount saved up, something happens. Like my trip to the hospital. Well got that paid off... saved up some more... Now my car is broke. Thats costing me a lovely $500. Figures. Oh well. Maybe it would be best if I stayed at home while I go back to school? Who knows. I'll figure something out, I always do. I'm going to California in June. June 3rd-9th. I'm brining my lap top, and if I was informed correctly, the hotel has a place to hook your computer up to the net. So that would be cool. My step bro Matt is getting married. Hes 26. See thats a reasonable age! Hell 23 is good too. Anything but 19! Older anyway.. I just think you should live a little and discover yourself before you try to discover someone else. Be able to take care of yourself and be comfortable with who you are before attempting to do that with someone else. Maybe its just me. I can't tell people how to live their lives. I can only live my the way I want to. And I am perfectly content with that. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to throw a crazy bachlorette party! And I'll support Katelin. But I still think shes out of her mind. ;-) Okay, I'm shutting up now... Current Mood:  confused | | Sunday, April 4th, 2004 | | 11:16 am |
WOOHOO!!! gotta love those coconut radios! something must be off here.... | | 10:58 am |
Let me bring something to your attention. Something that you may see everyday... it may seem simple. But in truth, it can be very complex for some people. It is an Egg. A little ole egg. Now understand something. When you go out to eat for breakfast, you need to be aware that the way the cooks in the restaurant were trained to cook eggs, and the way you cook eggs... are VERY different! I am aware that your version of over easy may mean that the egg is flipped with only the yellow runny.... now understand this... THATS NOT WHAT IT MEANS IN THE RESTAURANT! I will provide a small list of how eggs are cooked in the restaurant... Sunny Side Up- The egg is placed in the pan, and cooked so that the bottom is white and whole so that it may be placed on the plate. The yellow is exposed and will be runny when you stick your fork into it. The white will be done for the most part, but up near the yellow it will seem a bit raw. This is how a proper sunny side up egg is made. If you want it cooked a bit longer so that the white is as done as possible, please inform your server so that they may write that on the check. Over Easy- The egg is placed in the pan and cooked just as it would be if it were sunny side up. Once its reached the point where the white is cooked enough. It is flipped over, cooked for about 10 seconds then placed onto the plate. Once again, when you prod the yellow part with your fork it will be runny. And the area around the yellow part will be runny as well. Because it was made just as if it were sunny side up, only flipped over. Over Medium- The egg is placed in the pan and cooked as though it were sunny side up. Then it is flipped. The egg is cooked more thoroughly than over easy. The entire white is cooked, and only the yellow remains runny. (often this is how people want their egg when they request it as over easy. because this is how they cook their over easy eggs at home. NEWS FLASH its called over medium! get it right you fools!) Over Hard- The egg is placed on the pan and cooked as though it were sunny side up. It is flipped and then cooked all the way through. The white and the yellow are both done. Nothing is runny. If you want the egg over hard with the yolk broken, request it as so. Scrambled- Easy enough said. But there are many things to do with a scrambled egg. It can be scrambled as so. Or scrambled soft so its a bit runny. Scrambled well so it is dry and done. Scrambled with cheese added to it (or other things scrambled into it, such as ham, bacon, or sausage. Even tomatoes or mushrooms can be scrambled into an egg.) Let your server know exactly how you want your egg scrambled (if there is a specific way.) And be aware that if you add cheese or any thing else to the scrambled egg, that it will cost extra. There is also a poached egg. That often comes with Eggs Benedict. And to be honest... I'm really not sure what the hell that is. But I'll try it and let you know. Now... Stop pissing me off and making me run a muck because you don't know how the hell to tell your server the correct way you would like your egg prepared! If you don't know, ASK! Because the cooks in the restaurant do not cook eggs the same way that you or your parents cook them! Get it?! Got it?! GOOD! Current Mood:  annoyed | | Thursday, April 1st, 2004 | | 7:07 pm |
| | Friday, March 26th, 2004 | | 8:01 pm |
Well.... today has been the most horrible day of my life! I found out I have strep throat and I'm deathly allergic to penicillin... so four shots later and being monitored by doctors who like to pump the lot of medicane through you... here I am. Perfectly capable of breathing on my own. woo... yeah... Lets not do that again! Current Mood:  gloomy | | Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004 | | 11:14 pm |
| | Sunday, March 7th, 2004 | | 8:35 pm |
strange wheather we are having... one week its snow... next week its heat.... this week its a tornado... well... i guess at least greensboro is diverse? | | Monday, March 1st, 2004 | | 12:24 pm |
Taken from shaddi2003Play all your mp3s at random, list the first 25 that play, no matter how embarassing. 1) Roofus King - Just What I Need 2) Sheryl Crow - I Shall Believe 3) Cyndi Lauper - Time After Time 4) Incubus - Stellar 5) Jonny Lang - Lie To Me 6) Radiohead - How To Dissapear Completely 7) Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy 8) Sheryl Crow - Favorite Mistake 9) Wallflowers - 6th Avenue Heartache 10) Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag 11) Papa Roach - Last Resort 12) Neve - Its Over Now 13) Clay Aiken - This Is The Night 14) Josie and the Pussy Cats - Punk Rock Prom Queen 15) Jonny Lang - Breakin Me 16) Hanson - Strong Enough To Break 17) Hanson - Bridges of Stone 18) Blink 182 - Whats My Age Again? 19) Aaliyah - If Your Girl Only Knew 20) Blink 182 - Rock Show 21) Coldplay - The Scientist 22) Hanson - Never Let Go 23) Brian Mcknight - My Eyes Adore You 24) Neve - Absent 25) Clay Aiken - Bridge Over Troubled Water | | Sunday, February 22nd, 2004 | | 9:55 pm |
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